The last couple of weeks have been a bit frustrating to be perfectly honest. I’m probably expecting things to be laid on a plate for me but sometimes it just seems terribly unfair. For the most part of my later teens and early twenties I have tried to lose weight and get to a point where I am happy with my body. I have tried just about every diet under the sun. Even when i’m not “dieting” I think I eat reasonably well. I exercise fairly regularly. I’ve run God damn marathons in an attempt to lose weight and get that “runners physique”. And still. Nothing.
I’m at my heaviest at the moment. I have been here before. I know the feeling well. Social engagements become a real issue because of these few extra pounds. I have NOTHING to wear (i’m probably being dramatic). I feel rubbish about myself ALL OF THE TIME. Basically because i’ve had a couple of weeks of normal real life fun i’m being punished by some higher power.
The next few months brings with it a full buffet of weddings and social engagements. Sooooo many pictures are going to be taken. I feel the fear bubbling inside me. I know that when i’m standing grimacing at the camera I will be having that same old argument inside my head. ” why couldn’t you just stick to the plan, you fat bitch”, “why did you need to snack at every opportunity”, “why didn’t you run more?”
I’ve got four weeks until the first engagement of the summer (well actually a week but i’m not counting next one because it is my boyfriends work collegue so I don’t really know them). Am I going to be looking like Kayla Itsines in four weeks? I wish. Just no.
I could go on some crash diet but as i’ve already mentioned i’ve returned to my good old friend Intuitive Eating. I’ve dipped in and out of this book over the years. I find that it comes in really handy at holiday time when I know i’m not going to be able to follow any strict plan. I give myself an out in the form of Intuitive Eating. I’ve read the book a few times, I know the principles, and yet I continuallyl read it and then start another diet. Look where i’ve ended up? Just where they said I would be. Fatter than i’ve ever been before. Great.
I literally have zero time to be counting every calorie under the sun. Between now and the end of July I have 3 weekends that are free and even those free weekends are probably going to be used to move house. So yeah being perfect and going on a diet is not happening for me and do be honest I don’t want to. I’m sick of them. I’m sick of the failure. I’m sick of getting up each day and feeling fat and weighing myself just to confirm what I already know.
It is quite a scary thought with all these parties coming up but I am NOT going on any sort of diet to prepare for them. I’m going to focus on the intuitive eating principles and i’m not going to weigh myself. I’m going to focus on how I feel rather than the number on the scale. I’m going to try and
love like my body so that when it comes round to these parties it doesn’t matter what other people think.
April Goals (slightly late with these)
- Focus on the first two intuitive Eating principles: Reject the diet mentality and honor your hunger
- Plank challenge
- Exercise 4 times per week
- Run 60 miles
- Do not weigh in until 1/5/17